Archive for ‘Uncategorized’

January 2, 2013

I’m Back! Probably…

Once upon a time I had a short-lived career as a blogger. By career I mean Chi Chi came to me one day and said “Hey let’s start our own blogs” and I said “Ok” and wrote 3 posts. ADHD and life happened so I stopped.

With the recent addition of 3 WHOLE subscribers this year, I now feel obligated to torture ALL OF YOU with my awesomeness.

More to come in 2013!

Also Happy Stevie Wonder Appreciation Week!!!



March 17, 2011

Chocolate Wasted Baby Making

A few years ago a young woman made a comment that I always thought was ridiculous and absurd. The fact that we were both pregnant and hormonal blinded me from knowing which of us was responsible for the ridiculousness so I always blamed her by default. We were having our normal pregnant pow-wow one evening when I jokingly referred to her as a “baby momma”. At the time I felt their wasn’t anything wrong with calling someone a baby momma because it’s not like it’s a swear word. I didn’t call her a bitch or an ass-whore so what’s the problem right? Calling someone a baby momma was more so unpleasant because it sounds ghetto. In my book, this was a good enough reason to not to use it in a serious or professional conversation, but not so bad that I couldn’t refer to someone as such while joking off the record. Either way, she gets super offended (even though I’m pregnant and unmarried as well) and screams “I’m not a baby momma, I’m too educated!” So to make a long story short, I took it personal and ran home to cry because I was pregnant and hormonal and super insecure about being late in life (see Pinot’s and No-No’s). “Why was she mean to me? Just because she has a degree doesn’t make her better! Not only does she have a degree but I don’t! and we’re both having a child by men who we aren’t in a relationship with anymore!” At that point I probably called her a few of those colorful words and rightfully so right? Right.

So fast forward a few years.  One evening my mom, and my “baby daddy” and I were briefly conversing on the phone. As he’s talking to my mom, he refers to me as his “BM”. My mom asks “what’s a BM? a bowel movement?” He says “I could see that being the case too, but no it’s a baby momma”. It’s traditionally difficult for me to get along with both of these people so I was actually fading in and out of the conversation until I heard him say “BM”. I immediately became offended and I interrupt them, “I am not a baby momma, and I hope you don’t refer to me as that”. My mom jumps in and says “Well if you’re not a baby momma then what are you?” I said “I’m his ex!” Just then I realized how valid my old friends irrational statement truly was.  She never went into detail about her point, or maybe she just didn’t bother explaining to me but that didn’t make it less true. She was able to connect with what being a baby momma entailed and it wasn’t until I heard myself being called one that I connected with that meaning for myself.

Some may disagree, but to me a baby momma is random. Even if she loved, she wasn’t loved. She wasn’t treated special. She wasn’t recognized on her birthday or valentines day and when she gave the news to the lucky guy that she was pregnant, he was probably less than happy. A baby momma wasn’t an obligation and she was probably only ever contacted to do “the do”. Education plays a major role in this situation. It’s not about how many degrees you earn, it’s about the amount of times you settle for less than your worth. Are you in a relationship with a person who’s not in a relationship with you? Does he take you out in public or bring you home to mom? Does he treat you like a princess and do things just to see you smile? Does he feel obligated to help you when life goes wrong?

My friend was right. I’m educated and therefore cannot be considered a baby momma. Argument settled. I was in a relationship for two years before the kid was born. I was always remembered on special days and acknowledged on not so special days whether it be with a phone call or flowers. During the course of our involvement I was laid off from work on two separate occasions, but working or not, whether we were together or not, I never worried about unpaid bills or not being able to have a drink with a friend. Regardless of our status he felt obligated to take care of me. I’m not glorifying single parenting because that’s a different subject of suckiness and I’m also not implying that our relationship was ideal. If that were the case we would be married or together still. Our relationship in essence could be described as not being the absolute best like the two kids from the Titanic, but not being the absolute worst like Ike and Tina. Yea…

I didn’t have a child with a man who would one day proudly call me his wife, but I also didn’t choose the man who made me his random Monday night fling. Fortunately and unfortunately, I fall somewhere in-between the two. It’s that huge gray area on the spectrum of relationships where you’ll find kisses, flowers, family trips to the children’s museum and irate calls at 4 am. I’m not super picky about the title, as long as it’s not a phrase that begins with the letters “B” and “M”. This means I’m not the woman who will ever consider Baby Momma, Bowel Movement, or Booger Machine terms of endearment. Call me Landon’s mom, an ex-girlfriend, a friend, or an enemy. And if none of those fit, Tonya works just as well. 

November 2, 2010

Gato Negro

A few weeks ago a black man was killed by the police. It’s unfortunate because a man lost his life and someone lost their son, boyfriend, cousin, nephew, and friend. When we hear these stories in the black community one word comes to mind. Racism. When I heard the story I thought wow, why would they shoot and kill him? I later found out this particular young man was the same person who robbed several banks in the area with a gun, so when the police came to arrest him, of course he ran. They opened fire when he went into his pocket to grab what turned out to be something that wasn’t a gun. Do we still think the police are racist? Or was this young man living a life that eventually led to his demise?

There is a trend of black people crying race in situations that are not race related. There’s a larger epidemic of black people crying race in situations when the black person involved was wrong. According to the theory, black men are held at a higher standard but they clearly aren’t living up to it. Without starting a dialogue about slavery and its impact on the african american community today, the facts remain we have opportunities that didn’t exist 50 years ago. The days of physical racism are over black men. You can make choices. You can choose to get an education, you can choose to not rob a bank, you can choose to be inconvenienced by doing what’s right and not what comes easier.

A debate ensued recently after Lebron stated he thinks race played a part in him being scrutinized so harshly by the media. I know an idiot who had made the same comments on Facebook so when Lebron came out with his statement, that added fuel to the fire. This guy is the type who had an estimated 10.7 status updates per week complaining about how “his life is so hard because he’s black, black men are the most hated and most feared, black men have to work harder because they’re black and if you’re not a black man then you can’t comment because you’re not black and don’t understand since you’re not black”. Frustrating right? So when he de-friended me for sharing my opinion I was like sweet! one less loser status update popping up on my news feed.

I’ve made several observations about this particular type of black man because I’ve met several in my lifetime. They typically:

1. don’t complete their education

2.don’t have/can’t keep a job

3.don’t respect women

4.make excuses when things don’t work in their favor

The young man wasn’t shot and killed because of his history with armed robbery and drugs, Lebron wasn’t scrutinized because of his douchetastic decision-making skills, and the facebook idiot is an unemployed, wanna-be singer not because of his unfinished education and lack of talent  but yes you guessed it! Because they’re black.

I believe we still deal with institutionalized racism but no one is taking our fathers from our homes and tying them to railroad tracks anymore. Statistically speaking, black men have a pretty sucky start at life! But it’s 2010 militant, black man, get over yourself and get an education. “The Man” isn’t waiting at the doors of Harvard, or your local community college/trade school with fire hoses waiting to hose down the next negro who looks thirsty. So what are you waiting for? Ok, ok maybe college isn’t for everyone, but at least get a clue, a plan and a job. Sigh…ok, ok maybe working isn’t for everyone either. So if you decide to rob a bank, sell drugs, and for those who do work, humiliate an entire city by going on national television to tell them you quit after we waited 3 months for your decision, at least recognize that death, jail sentences and scrutiny will follow because of  poor choices, not racism.

Lebron posed a good question, What should he do? What should we do as a race? He mentioned something about disappearing, which I think sounds like a fabulous idea! Anyone named Lebron and everyone who makes excuses for their poor decisions can disappear, then we’ll be one step closer to peace. I’ll be honest with you though, he probably won’t disappear. He’ll probably more than likely come out with another aggravating statement and/or commercial in another month or so. Then everyone will get worked up and angry and will say stuff like “oh Lebron is so stupid and ugly and insensitive and we hate him so much” and the cycle continues. Black men will sell drugs, rob banks, not seek employment or education, make babies and be poor examples to their children while blaming “The Man” and that cycle will continue as well. I say we end both cycles now and all it takes is one glass of wine.

I propose a toast to the death of excuses and Lebron’s Nike ad!